Four Weeks In

The man who came so close to dethroning Gabe, in one of the most memorable down to the wire fantasy finishes in recent years is now back with a vengeance. The Liverpool superfan selected Isak with his first pick (no brainer there), followed up with Bruno G, Tel, Jacquet, Calafiori, Evanilson and even more. These names may not intimidate you, but if they all play as well as their preseason form suggests then Tony should be looking at top-3 finish anew. Cause for concern? What if Tel doesn’t start after transfers? What if Evanilson is a dud again? What if Calafiori gets injured? What if Araujo proves that veteran presence beats young ambition? These are legit concerns, so too is the lack of ELITE firepower, but chapeau to a damn good draft.

Chapeau Erwin. Chapeau. It means hat in French, but translates to “I see you” family. It’s ironic that an arsenal superfan ends up with Cole Palmer and Palestra, but we all know that Arsenal loves Chelsea. I enjoy the balance of your team though, especially if they stay healthy. Sesko, Solanke and Wissa is a solid start. Palmer, Odegaard, Scott and KDH put in a shift and you have so many good defenders along with Sels. I’d drop Pope for another GK or striker, but good stuff man.

All hail, King Gabe, first of his name and Addis’ eldest son. The reigning champ is back and must be stopped, maybe this is the year we stop his Bayern and City-esque dominance. This might be the year actually, as his team boasts players like Wirtz, Elliot Anderson, Gross and Tarkowski, Hill and the like. He’s gone full defcon instead of goals and assists and it’s a boring strategy that could once again pay off. I do worry for him for his lack of quality starting striker—no semenyo to bail him out this time, which could be the opportunity we’ve been sorely missing.

With his first pick in the draft, Barcelona’s biggest fan selected Sir Bruno of Manchester as his no-brainer pick. From there he went with Rayan, who I like, but we’ll see if he’s the star we think he is. Ballard’s good, but with sunderland in Europe can he stay healthy. Ismaila sarr is a great value pick in the 5th round. I also like Diego Gomez and Garcia, if both hit the ground running. There’s a few other fun names here, but otherwise its giving mid-table. That said, that’s what I always say about Joe and then he whoops my ass.

Joao Pedro for the first pick is a homerun pick. The Chelsea lad looks to challenge Haaland and Isak for top goal scorer this season. He’s looked terrific in preseason. Some say picking Tzolis at #2 was a reach, but with all the GOONERS in the chat, you have to reach sometimes for top talent and he was there and he was needed. Shame that he wasn’t listed as a midfielder though. Pedro Porro, Gvardiol, Mosquera, Kerkez, Mykolenko and Muharemovic is a damn good defense. Igor Jesus and Thierno Barry to round out the strikers is not too shabby. Now that midfield will define the season. Who is Yirenkyi? (Y’all can do your own research). What about Mamadou Sangare? Savio in the 8th round? Hope he actually goes to Spurs this time. Either way, gotta keep working these waivers to lift the trophy in the end.

Brother Bill! So good seeing you recently and welcome back anew. Took a look at the squad. The good: I love the defense of Robinson, Kadioglu, O’Reilly, Senesi. My only issue is that they all carry their own risk. Jedi its Fulham being ass. O’Reilly it’s City Roulette, Senesi its CB roulette at Spurs, Kadioglu its Brighton likely not being as good anymore. Cherki was a deep yoga reach with the first pick. I would’ve picked Semenyo or Gibbs White. I’m honestly surprised you didn’t go for Palmer or Rogers when you had the chance. For your sake, I hope Rayan plays better than he did for France. I love DCL and Brobbey is alright, but the bench is average atm.

WELCOME BACK HABIBI!!!!!! The streets missed you. The chat missed you. Shit, I’m sure event Seattle has missed you. What a joyous surprise to hear you were returning. Enough elation, time to start grilling. How the hell did you manage to select 7 defenders in a 16 round draft?? I know defcons are awesome but sheesh. Hilariously you ended up with Saka, who should have a great year. Doku should be great too. Gabrial M. in defense for third pick is amazing. Enzo for 4th pick is a gamble, but hey he’s a good player that will play somewhere eventually and look great. Gyokeres is ass, but GGs to you. The top-10 of your draft is honestly not bad, it’s the bottom 5 that may need some revisiting to balance the roster.

All hail Commissioner Alon!!! Thanks for your steadfast leadership and patience with all of us. On your draft, I loved the start of it: Gibbs White and Igor Thiago is an incredible start. Shame about Ollie Watkins though. I do like Dango and Foden, if both actually pan out. The reach on Eze was wild, but if folks get injured its not a bad pick up. Pedro Neto looks to start at Chelsea if he stays, but not sure he will be good for fantasy in his wider position. I like Rutter and the gamble on Maddision. You took some swings at the end of the draft for Lammens, Traore, Shaw, Aina who I all like, but I wonder if you like top heaviness to really compete.

Welcome to the league rookie! With the first pick, we got Haaland, surprise surprise. Beginners luck, I guess. For the rest of the roster, Im liking VVD, Reece James (please stay healthy). The rest of the roster boasts talent, but theres some flightiness in Dammsgaard, Garner, Mateta, Rio and the likes. If Gakpo keeps producing or better yet gets the move to Spurs, the squad looks even better. That said, if they all play, should be a fun little squad, albeit a little flighty. Welcome to the league family!

My brother is officially back in the league. They swore he’d never come back, but he’s here. The Gabe before Gabe is back to terrorize the league like he used to….but will he? That is the question. Overall the draft was ok for the former champ, but he’ll have to work his waiver magic (does he still have his magic touch?). I don’t mind Dan Burns, Collins, Anan or Neco, but of note only Neco and Collins are 100 percent nailed on. Tavernier, Rice and Youri are good pickups. Amad is solid, but will he play enough to matter. Love the Semenyo pick even though he’s playing wider. Not sure on Wood nor the bench though.

Brother Tay, what’s cracking man? Morgan Rogers with the first pick is not a bad shout. I wouldn’t be surprised if he finishes above Cole this season in fantasy. Shame everyone hates Chelsea so much, cause no reason he should drop to 14th! I like Colwill, Frimping, Hall and Viskovic (if he can start). I love Manzambi, but I wonder when he will start and what Villa looks like post Morgan, Watkins, Tielemans, and with all their tournaments. I do think he’s awesome, but awesome enough to win this reason? No se. Kai is awesome, but sharing duties with big Viktor is such a big risk to take, but I hope it pans out. Interested to see the moves pan out.

Captain Avery! So happy to have you back for year 2. Always good to have more Blues in the chat. Will and I can only keep up the good fight for so long. On the theme of Blues, that’s what I’m playing as I type this power ranking. On things I like: Antonia Silva, Lacroix and thiaw—defense wins championships. Reaching for Szobo with the first pick is crazy though. You had Cole, Igor Thiago, Rogers all right there. CRAZY!!!!! Also Kroupi is out for the season. I believe in you brother!

Let’s talk about Thato. He’s the nutmet king. He’s the secret ruler of Botswana and honestly the most lovable human around. Let’s talk about his FPL team. Let’s just say they’re not winning gold like Letsile Tebogo. I do like Cunha and Le Fee, but every other pick feels like there’s some risk attached for playing time or competition. I fear we must get him an intern for next season.

My big sis is back as well, but it will be a long season, just like Chelsea last season and just like Hull City, this season. Sucks when you’re not present to draft your team. It’s even worse when we’re losing fresh water to AI and it can’t even draft you a decent team in your absence. You hate to see it. Check the waiver wires, there might be some gems…if they cup hasn’t runneth dry as well. I got a striker if you need one!

It’s tacky as hell to put yourself at the top of the power rankings. Did it once a few years back and finished fourth on the season. Been embarrassed ever since. It’s a bad omen and we don’t do that at Jesus Christos. That said, I know our oh-so-modest chat won’t keep quiet about the top scoring squad in FPL being ranked too low, so I must place Christos FC on top. The defense has been high-spirited, Joao Pedro (please stay healthy) has been divine, the midfield is starting to rise with each passing week. Amen. Every year, I come with one goal in mind: BEAT GABE. I love my east African brother, but seeing him above me in the standings is frustrating, so this power ranking slot is also my chance to live my fantasy. Hopefully, the Lord’s favorite team stays faithful and goes the distance.

I would have you number one on the power rankings, just like in the standings, but I feel we gas you up a little too much, and yet you assure us week-by-week that you are truly worthy of the lore. Every year, you come up with new ways to flummox us all (except me). Also, y’all (Will) really let Gabe get Belloumi. Unseriousness. Anyhow, in your good years its with the power of Haaland or some other overly powered star, but this year its been Pascal Gross, Tarkowski and Schade leading your troops, which is fucking mad. I must give credit where credit is due, you are simply unreal my dude. When you have a chance, please let me know what the lottery numbers are…also, also, since you don’t have Dango this year, time for a name change? Anywho, lottery numbers….please.

Every year, I rank Erwin high and sadly it has often backfired for my Liberian brother. This year, inshallah, may be the year he breaks the curse. 3-1 to kick off the year, with the third highest scored points is no small feat. There are few holes on his team, the only questions as the season advances are how much of a factor Sesko and Solanke end up being. If they play well, which neither have, Erwin might be the scoring leader by season end. If not, it could spell some challenging matches when games are not in his favor. Definitely someone to watch for.

A winner of two straight and official owner of Bradley Barcola, Dr. Rachid Zaid is officially operating. He would probably like to stay under the radar, but I must give props where props are due. In a matter of weeks, he’s bolstered his defense. In midfield, Enzo got his move and is performing alongside Saka, Janelt and Bentancur. He lucked out with the Greek freak Kostoulas up top, but Barcola will make the difference. What’s next for my brother is assessing which of his bench pieces are truly essential, because injuries are real, so a deep bench is necessary, especially in a league of 14 people.

The story of Will, for me, will always be “did he reach for Cherki” with his first overall pick. Each season, I make a big board and had Cherki to be drafted in the 3rd round, but Will opted for round 1. Interestly enough, Fantrax also ranked Cherki in the first round, so I get it. Cherki is one of the best midfielders in the game and had a blitzing start in the first two game weeks, but as it stands his minutes have been declining some and he’s currently 9th over all midfielders and 20th out of all players. By the end of the year, he could end up higher. He could also end up lower. This, for me, will be interesting to watch. Regardless of Cherki though, Will has done a good job of making a deep team that simply needs a little help from the injury bug. Caicedo coming back for Chelsea would help both in fantasy and in real life. DCL has been solid. Brobbey and Marmoush should eventually come good and Ndiaye is a solid option. Either way, this is a big threat. I’m not sleeping on this team. Big boom and bust potential.

5th in the standings, 430 points scored, 413 points against, Tony’s team has been through the ringer and could very well be in the top-3 if not for the two close losses. He was my favorite post-draft and still remains dangerous, but I have questions now that the whistle has blown on the season. Jacquet and Maxim De Cuyper have been great, but Livramento and Newcastle have looked bleak, whilst Bournemouth hasn’t been exactly worldbeaters. In midfield, I don’t trust Barnes, McGinn or Palacios in big games. I’m hopeful for Tony though because he has Isak, who seems to be growing slowly into form as Liverpool figures it out. Fernandez-Pardo is a talent, but is Newcastle good enough? Evanilson has had a busy campaign and will even chime in with some goals. I do like the team, but questions must be asked. And yet, the man has scored 430, so things are going well for the Colombia superfan.

What an unfortunate start to the campaign for the rookie, Aidan. Typically when you score 415 in the first few weeks, you should be sitting on at least two wins, but the young buck has run into some juggernauts with 494.25 points against. So much for beginner’s luck. There’s still so much to like with this team, his defense is sound, Tzokalis is a monster, the midfield is solid and will be better once Bruno G becomes a full-time starter. WIth Haaland and Gakpo up top, the BOOM is there. This is a very dangerous team. Watch out.

A current member of the big-4, Big Tay Tay is off to a great start powered by Gabriel M, Hall, Robertson and BIG VUSKOVIC. If Colwill and Chelsea ever figure it out, this defense will be NASTY. In midfield, Morgan Rogers has been carrying this team. I’m sure he’s hoping for Manzambi to be a hit, and soon, cause nearly 400 points scored vs. 441 scored against, doesn’t look promising for the future. Havertz has been doing well, but there’s some work to be done in waivers to truly bolster the squad.

I was very high on Joe’s team, but a lot of that had hinged on Sarr playing and going ape shit, which hasn’t happened. He has yet to play and one wonders if he will even play for Crystal Palace post-January. Still firmly in the top-6, Joe’s been hanging on with Diego Gomez, Bruno F leading the charge. Timber has just come back and White is off with injury, so this should be good news, but there is simply too much bleeding on this roster despite their top-6 position. 412 scored vs. 390 scored against, Joe’s been a bit lucky, but how long will luck be on his side?

Big Moshe is back with a bang. Though far from his best, he’s managed a 2-2 start. 384 scored vs. 475.25 scored against. Sheesh, talk about a beat down. And yet, he still sits 2-2, which means he’s working with something and hope looms bountiful. His midfield is wonderful with Rice, King, Tavernier and Wirtz (will he ever figure it out?). Up top Semenyo hasn’t lit the world on fire, but Delap seems lively (What the fuck?). This squad is a tale on roster building. There’s talent and a semblance of plan, but some more tinkering would go very far for the former champ.

Though he’s 1-3 to start the season, Alon boasts an interesting roster, which he has tinkered with quite a bit. Martinez now in goal. Both Calafiori and Konsa on the roster + Munoz at Forest. That is awesome ngl. In midfield MGW has been solid. Dango is sharing time, which is hurting his output and Pino is average. Igor Thiago has carried his world cup form aka trash. Shame cause he was too damn good last season. Mbaye hasn’t done anything, but he’s interesting, to say the least. All in all though, like most Alon teams, there’s too many holes on the team. The holes: Amad Diallo, Awoniyi, Hadji Malick, Tsimikas, Schuster, Grealish and more. THATS WAY TO MANY MAYBES. And y’all know I hate maybes. Would like to see more legit starters on this roster and bring the maybes to 2-3. There’s an idea of a plan, but I’m not as hopeful as the commissioner.

Everybody and they momma has been stealing from my sister and y’all ain’t right. And just like Paul Biya, my good sis just been letting people poach her best players away like Cameroon been letting France pillage our rare minerals and woods. In other words, she’s not so innocent about the fate of her club. At least Hull has been great and her second team Chelsea are fun to watch, though terrible in defense. I try to be positive so here’s what I like: James Justin, Xhaka…damn thats it. All of y’all are guilty for what has happened to my sister, but she’s 12/14th in the standings and has still improved from the 14th rank that I gave her to start the season….so, yay improvement?

In my first power rankings I wrote the following and sadly they’ve been playing out: “On the theme of Blues, that’s what I’m playing as I type this power ranking. On things I like: Antonia Silva, Lacroix and thiaw—defense wins championships. Reaching for Szobo with the first pick is crazy though. You had Cole, Igor Thiago, Rogers all right there. CRAZY!!!!! Also Kroupi is out for the season.” Igor Thiago has been ass and Szobo has been on a fucking heater, so GGs bro, that said the lack of points is tough. One would hope that Mateus Fernandes and Spurs find their legs soon to help Ampadu and Szobo. Mbeumo is good, but your bench is where you need help. You can keep Estevao, Bouaddi, Hugo (I guess), but drop the rest and bolster the team for rotations!!!!! Also, you have 200 credits, USE THEM MOTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!! Love you bro.

The sad thing about being the guy that writes the power rankings is that no one wants to trade with you anymore after you been writing and talking so much shit. Thus has been my fate with Thato. He’s been trading with everybody and their momma, but he’s been leaving me on read on whatsapp. I know he sees the messages too. The game is the game I guess. And on the topic of games, one must respect Thato’s commitment to pay and play FPL each season knowing damn well he ain’t gonna put no work in, man. Honestly, this is the highest level of love. In case y’all ever wondered if Thato cared about us. My Botswanan brother is happy losing money just to kick it with us and read our rants and bullshit in the chat. This is what Patrice Evra meant when he said: “I LOVE THIS GAME. Fuck Let’s Talk About Bruno, It’s always Let’s talk about Thato, the greatest the lad that ever lived. I guess I should say something about the footy, out of respect for his efforts and love. Araujo has been balling, Botman is back but newcastle is struggling. Mitchell and Crystal are finding new life, Shaw’s been ok, but Dorgu might be starting now? Bobby Thomas has been decent for Coventry. Foden, Iwobi have been letting you down, but Stach and Mcatee have been good. Cunha needs to hit the ground running too. Mitoma, Kudus could be interesting if and when they find form, so all is not lost, but 297 points scored and 525 points scored against (both the worst marks in the league) are not a good look. 4 straight Ls is also tough. I don’t care if you don't win a game though, because I know you don’t care. I just want you to know that we love you nutmeg king. Come back stateside homie!!